Often I think the battleground of beauty is a black woman’s fight.
We’ve suffered the most. We’ve had the difficult task of discovering and possessing our own beauty in a world where it is rarely celebrated. Most often it is despised.
But recently, I spoke to Iris, an 18 year old South Korean exchange high-school student, about her own journey to appreciating and possessing her beauty.
I discovered that in the battleground of beauty, all women experience similar oppressions from living under the beauty standards of their respective cultures.
I can’t remember the conversation exactly. Maybe we were talking about some recent Hollywood star’s plastic surgery. But Iris flipped open her laptop and played a PowerPoint presentation of before and after pictures of South Korean women who have undergone surgery to change their appearance.
“It’s like self-care.” Iris shrugged.
In South Korea, plastic surgery is not a big deal. It is not uncommon to see Korean women walking down the street with surgical masks that barely hide their bruises.
South Korean beauty standards demand pointy noses, v-line chins and double eye-lids. And if you aren’t born with it, then you buy it.
But it is evident from the PowerPoint presentation that these women are trying to possess a beauty that is not their own. They look like wannabe-white women.
“I was so relieved when I got my double eyelid,” Iris chattered on, “I felt so ugly.”
Luckily, Iris has avoided plastic surgery. Her double eyelids popped out in her early teens. But she admits to feeling pressure from relatives about her appearance before her eyelids showed up. There were rumors of surgery.
I’m slightly confused by this obsession with double eyelids and the supposed ugliness of monolids. Aren’t monolids a phenotype that is most common in Asians?
“Your eyes are more open,” Iris argued, affirming the superior beauty of double eyelids.
More open like Caucasian women?
In Korea, there is an elevation of Caucasian beauty which stands in stark contrast to Korea’s pride in its homogeneity.
I want to scream racial self-loathing. Hypocrisy. But I can’t judge South Korean women. I’m reminded of my own personal struggle to see and possess beauty where I had been told there was none or very little.
For a long time I thought my hair was only beautiful when straight. And I know other black people who sincerely believe that lighter skin is better.
However, I’m saddened by a commonality that I see in my black community and in South Korea.
We pursue a beauty that will never be ours. And in pursuit of another’s beauty we erase our own. We cover it up. We bleach it away. Carve it out or chip it off.
Lauren Nicole Love eloquently describes this as a perversion of beauty:
the perversion of beauty, when it happens, is that our eyes have been closed and we do not see it. the lie of beauty, when it is told, is that you do not posses it….
How do we open our eyes to our own beauty?
Maybe we finally see it in foreign spaces. Maybe we discover our beauty in the beauty standards of another culture.
“I like how I look better.” Iris confessed. She admitted that before moving to the US she wanted to get a plastic surgery procedure done.
Now, she feels more free concerning her appearance.
I want to know what she has done with the freedom she believes she has in the US.
“I went tanning,” she laughs.
In South Korea,white skin is essential to attractiveness. Women lather themselves with sunscreen, use makeup so their faces appear whiter and stay out of the sun.
Iris recognizes her disadvantage in South Korea, “ I have darker skin.” But here she loves her skin color. When she gets dressed up, she wears makeup that matches her skin.
Listening to Iris, I get the impression that here she has the freedom to choose the type of body she wants. She doesn’t want to be fat but she enjoys not having to starve herself to achieve the emaciated look preferred in Korea. And she loves the muscles she has developed since she began to play soccer. Iris is passionate about developing a stronger more toned body.
Iris’ message to other young Korean women is to look like themselves,”You’ll look the same with the plastic surgery.”
I concur: possess your own beauty.